EP 30 Self Care in Every Season

EP 30 Self Care in Every Season @The Lil Mama That Could

Links to episode

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1USBPn2LezYx48Ybd72Ezh?si=Vv0e5kJeQi-KplBwWtZ3yQ

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-lil-mama-that-could/id1787931450

Keywords

self-care, motherhood, personal growth, health updates, balancing responsibilities, mental load, self-care routines, motherhood challenges, personal development, wellness

Summary

In this episode, Kirsten and Mikaela discuss the evolution of self-care, particularly in the context of motherhood. They share personal updates on their health journeys and reflect on how self-care has changed from their younger years to now. The conversation delves into the challenges of balancing responsibilities, the importance of intentional self-care, and the need to reward oneself for achievements. They emphasize the significance of mindset in approaching self-care and the necessity of integrating it into daily life to avoid burnout.

Takeaways

Self-care is essential for mothers to recharge and be effective.

The perception of self-care evolves with responsibilities and life stages.

Intentionality is key in making time for self-care.

Self-care can sometimes feel like work but is necessary for well-being.

Building rest into a busy schedule helps prevent burnout.

Recognizing and rewarding small achievements is a form of self-care.

Mindset plays a crucial role in how we experience our responsibilities.

Planning self-care into your schedule can help maintain balance.

It's important to check in with yourself regularly to assess needs.

You are not selfish for prioritizing your own well-being.

Titles

The Journey of Self-Care in Motherhood

Finding Balance: Self-Care and Responsibilities

Sound bites

"You can freaking do it."

"Self-care looks like time alone."

"I need to recharge my battery."

Chapters

00:00 Health Updates and Personal Growth

02:38 The Evolution of Self-Care

10:08 Defining Self-Care in Motherhood

20:22 Integrating Self-Care into Daily Life

25:06 Mindset and Self-Care

28:38 Rewarding Yourself in the Hustle

31:59 Final Thoughts on Self-Care

Episode Transcript

Hi, welcome to the Little Mama That Could podcast where we have real life talks about all things motherhood, mental health, marriage, lifestyle and everything in between.We're your hosts, Kirsten and Michaela, and we've been lifelong.Friends, enemies turn to besties.

Married a set of.Brothers and are now sister in law's doing motherhood together if you're looking.For a community of scrunchy moms who are chugging along, you're in the right place.Hi, welcome back to the Little Mama That Could podcast.

We are so excited that you're here today.My little Mama update for this week is kind of a health update of where I am at in the gym right now.If you've been listening along at least for the last couple episodes, you probably have heard me talk about my health and how I have been trying to hid it in the gym.

And I have been following meal plan and just really honing in on myself, which I feel like can be hard sometimes as a mom.But I have to take care of myself to take care of my babies.So everything's been going good.I have been super dedicated in the gym and I have been really exhausted but feeling so, so, so good and so strong.

So just happy to report and share that.That's so good, so, so good.And if you guys aren't following Kirsten on her socials, you can keep up with her journey that she's sharing a little bit here and there.She's been definitely inspiring me in the gym as well and just showing me like you can work really hard.

And also that if there's something that is bothering you or you're wanting to change, like you can freaking do it.And so she's been just so inspirational.My, my little Mama update today is that basically, well, Kennedy got baptized and I had all this family in town and Kennedy's birthday happened on Sunday.

It was such a celebration.It was beautiful.Lexi was also blessed on Sunday.So we just kind of threw it All in all at the same time, just that way all my family could be in town and it was just honestly an amazing and great weekend.

Loved everything, it was so.Fun.It was so fun.Such a special weekend.I also just loved having so much family there.We had so many people show up for her, for her baptism and for the baby blessing.And it just makes me feel so loved and makes me feel that wow, we have so many people in our life that love us and love our family and is there for us.

And that just feels really special to me.So that's my little Mama update.Anyways, we are going to go ahead and jump into today's episode.Today we're going to be talking a little bit about self-care and like the evolution of self-care and the different seasons that we're in.

What did it look like when we were a little younger?What does it look like now?And how do we balance taking care of ourselves in those seasons of hustle or seasons of motherhood that are just feeling like, where's the time?And we're just going to dive into that today.

I'm really excited to talk about it.So let's go ahead and start with this question.What how do you find?Was it harder or was it easier?Do you feel like to take care of yourself now versus when you were maybe a bit younger, maybe in your teenage years, early 20s?

What do you think?This is that's a great question.I feel like for me personally, when I was younger, before I had, you know, so many responsibilities, I feel like my life was self-care, like I did a lot of things for myself.

I was in a more selfish mindset.And I don't think that there's anything wrong with that because that was the season of life that I was in was school and work and hanging out with friends and doing things that filled my cup.But I feel like as I've gotten older, I've had to be a lot more intentional and make time to take care of myself.

Because if you don't, it's really easy to get caught in the mundane of everything.And there's just a million things demanding your attention at all times when you're a mom.So yeah, a lot of more intentionality and that for me, you know.

It's something that's so interesting that I thought about is, you know, how like us getting out of the house without a child literally feels like self-care.Like literally just going to the store by yourself feels like self-care.When I was, you know, when I didn't have any kids, going to the store felt like a chore.

And so it's kind of interesting how now the dynamic has shifted a bit.Like like you said, when we were teenagers and maybe in our earlier 20s, everything was kind of just, we just did what we wanted for ourselves.And I wouldn't necessarily deem it as like I was self caring, like I was really fulfilling myself in that way.

But I think the difference is now it's like appreciating those times and being like intentional with it, like you said, actually like planning for that and setting that time aside to say, you know what, this time frame is going to be my time and being like allowing it and recognizing it as that, if that makes sense.

No, for sure when you whether that's like now or in the past, have you ever felt selfish or guilty around taking care of yourself or maybe putting your needs at the forefront?I think that when I was younger, I was just selfish and I don't think I really felt bad about it.

I was just, you know, my parents would be like, you're being selfish.Umm, But there has been times more so in my after I had, I think Colby, I started to feel a little bit more guilty for taking time for myself.

Like I'm, I'm going to be honest, I did not feel that way as much with my first two kids, but I did more so with after I had Colby and I think because it demanded that season like demanded more of me than I had been used to.

And so I felt bad putting that on to my husband for me to have time for myself or we didn't really have like the means necessarily to go pay for a sitter all the time for me to have that time to myself.And I do feel like there were times where I felt a little, I don't want to say resentful as the right word, but in that, that realm towards my husband of how he gets to get in the car and he doesn't have to worry about getting a kid in the car or like, if he was going to leave, it wasn't a question of taking the kids with you.

It was that he just leaves.Yeah.And I hadn't had those conversations really with him prior to that because I, I didn't feel the need to.I didn't know that that was something that needed to be talked about.Because with just Kennedy and Henry, I didn't really feel the sense of this is a lot or these responsibilities or these children are kind of taking more out of me and maybe I need time to reset.

I don't know.Did you experience?Yeah.Oh, I mean, for sure.I, I feel like, I know.I mean, I know exactly what you're talking about.Where you almost envy the non dominant parent who can just get in the car and go or they tell you they have something going on and there's no arranging child care.

Like it's just you know that you're going to be taking care of your kids while you know your spouse or your partner is doing what they need to do.And I feel like it's something that I have to remind myself constantly that like, this is the choice that I chose and I want to be home with my babies.

And that I, I just remember like my husband's job is to provide for a family and my job is to take care of the family.And I'm not saying that we don't help each other on those things, but it's kind of like we're the default in those roles.And I don't know, it just it can be really tricky sometimes when I'm not taking care of myself or making time to do the things that fill my cup.

I do feel like that envy or resentment kind of creeps up.And a lot of the time when I asked my husband for help, he's very willing to do what I'm asking him.I just always have to ask.And I also don't love that.But I am grateful for the fact that my husband is willing to step in when I need him to.

Yeah, well, I was, I know you've read this book and I've also read this book, but it's the the mental load.And it talks about basically the load that men and women carry in their separate aspects in their relationship and in their marriage.

And oftentimes women take on this kind of like no one asked them to do it, but we just do it.We just like jump in and we just jump in and do the thing that needs to get done.And sometimes I can create expectations.And so something that like in, in regards to self-care, it's interesting cause I've talked to a lot of different women and I've asked them all like, what did you do today?

And they're like, I finally got a moment to myself.I went to the store and I'm like, oh, OK, yeah.I don't remember, you know, my husband referring to going to the grocery store as, like, self-care or a moment to themselves.

What does self-care actually mean?And what can that actually look like in our lives?Does that mean it's just running the errands that we haven't gotten done?Sometimes it can feel like you're taking care of yourself.You're being responsible.And self-care doesn't always look like the easiest go to I want to relax on my bed and do nothing.

Sometimes self-care to me actually looks like work, but the work is very satisfying and it pays off.I'm going to share just a couple of things for me that have felt like self-care and sometimes doesn't feel like self-care.For me, journaling in the morning and waking up early is self-care a lot of the time I feel like it.

It feels good to empty my thoughts out.I definitely think a lot and I talk a lot.I tend to process outwardly, so if I'm journaling, it's a way for me to process outwardly without maybe necessarily putting it all on to someone.And that can feel like self-care.

And in other times, waking up early does not feel like self-care to me.And journaling doesn't always feel as fulfilling as it does in certain time frames.But another form of self-care for me is just my daily, like getting ready for my day and putting my makeup on and just feeling really good about myself, just getting dressed.

And.That for me makes a huge difference in the way that I, I handle my day.I handle it with more confidence and typically even more patience.It's it's a weird, I wonder if there's science to that or what.But those are a couple of things that are often like a self-care for me.

No, I love that.I feel like for myself self-care looks like time alone and it's not because I don't want the life that I have but I need to recharge my battery.

And I have noticed when I do not get those breaks whether that's a girls night or you know just running errands even with one kid.Like I don't even have to be kidless but needs to be a kid that doesn't cry in a car seat that overstimulates me.

But overall, I feel like for me, it's just taking that intentional time because I feel like when I was a younger mom, maybe with less responsibilities and I wasn't running my own business, I loved doing Girls Night once a week.

Like we had a standing date with all of our girlfriends and we would get together and we'd watch like the Bachelor Bachelorette, or we would watch Dancing with the Stars, or we would do something where we all gather together.And it was every single week.And in that time of my life, I needed that.

And because of that, I was able to keep going and show up in the ways that I wanted to for my kids.But also, after I had my third, I feel like a lot of my priorities changed.And it's not that I didn't want to hang out with my friends, but I had three kiddos.

I was running a photography business and I was hustling and grinding and a weekly girls night was just not reasonable for me.And I kind of had to take a step back from that.And like, I look back at it now and I need a girls night.

Like, I don't know, twice a month, at least once a month.I need to see all my friends and get together and like, not be a mom, but it's crazy to see the evolution of that where it was like something I needed all the time and then now I just feel like it's something I just need every once in a while.

So I find that super interesting, that is.So interesting because same and I could never understand when we were young moms, how I, I literally felt like I could always get together.

Like I always had this free time and I often wanted to get together with people and spend time with them.And I remember feeling super insecure about how like I had all this time available to me, but it seemed like everybody else had things going on and I and like it started to feel like no one wanted to hang out with me.

But it was because I just, I couldn't relate to the busyness or like having a ton of extra responsibilities.I was just taking care of the kids and my load of what that looked like was just getting together with people actually lightened my load.

And now with my new schedule for getting the kids, I'm like, OK, well where am I going to fit in time for myself to feel recharged?And where am I going to still fit in time to to take care of the friendships that I have and take care of the relationship with my spouse and all of these things?

I'm like, how am I going to fit all these things in in this season that I'm in for this whole school year?My schedule is crazy now and I'm having to kind of re evaluate where my priorities lie with everything so that I can still take care of myself.

But I'm not like burning out on top of also having a podcast and and doing hair and like all these other things, kind of figuring out where they fit and where the time is for me.And I'm finding too, like having alone time is even more like I want that even more than I've ever wanted before.

Just having a moment that's like alone.And no one's talking to me, no one's asking you for something from me.And you know what I mean.No, I totally agree.I feel like something that you just said that I feel like it's really important is we kind of have to build rest in, even though we are doing ambitious things and we have to take moments for ourselves or as a family or from your schedule or whatever is demanding a lot of you.

Because like you said, you can go through burnout, which is really hard whenever you're still having to show up and you're totally burnt out.And so I feel like taking those OK in the waiting waiter industry.And I also did this when I was like a party host at a trampoline park when I was in my end of my high school into my early college years.

They it's called the table tap.And you go and check up on these people and you literally place your hand on the table.And you would say, hey, how are things going?How are y'all doing?What do you need?How can I help you?And I feel like we need to kind of incorporate those into our lives to help avoid those burnout.

You know, take a moment and pause and actually ask yourself and literally take a moment to listen to what your body or your brain is telling you of like, what do I need right now?Oh, maybe I need to just go chill on the couch because sometimes being unproductive is the most productive thing that you can do for yourself.

Or maybe that is, hey, go switch over the laundry.Or if you're me, it's go take your vitamins because I'm always I was so diligent for so long and now I just like loosey goosey forget stuff like that.But I mean, we need to do those table tappings where we're stopping and taking a moment to see and check in with ourselves of OK, where, what do we need and how can we provide that need?

Like where's the the end to that?OK.I love that.And I want to expand on that thought really quick.I just had this thought of when we plan for that in our schedule, like maybe even a daily or a couple times a week, Plan it into your day, into your weekly plans to do something that fuels you and make it a date to yourself.

Like don't flake out on yourself.It makes you think of Grinch where he's like busy, busy, busy.I have a date with loathing, whatever.I can't remember the whole thing right now, but he's like, sorry, busy.I have a, my schedule is just packed full of whatever.

And I think if we just plan it into our schedule, something that we do every day that takes care of ourselves and makes us feel good, then the burnout won't come as quickly.If it's going to come, hopefully you can recognize because you're already giving yourself these moments to yourself to say, OK, wait, I need to take a moment here.

I need a little bit more time and one of those ways that I feel like for me, I'm taking time for myself is actually just going to the gym on the day side.Don't go to the gym.I am just not as one, I'm not as productive around my home, but two, I'm also just grouchier.

Like I don't feel as patient with my kids and I think because going to the gym gives me actually a lot of energy.I don't feel as exhausted going to the gym that that's not everyday.But a lot of the time I feel like a burst of energy afterwards and that sustains me through.

And so I have a lot more energy to show up for my kids.And on the days when I don't go one, it's about I get about an hour to an hour and a half of time where I'm not the one taking care of my kids.And so this is like built into my schedule where I'm taking time to develop something for myself like fitness and taking care of my body.

And I'm also getting a moment away from the kids to do those things for myself.And so that for me is one way that I'm like building in, I won't call it rest, but building in self-care into my schedule.In my day-to-day routine, So you guys could probably think about that what what is something that you could build into your schedule that would be beneficial to you mentally?

Yeah.And I my thought process goes to, yeah, that sounds great, but how do I actually apply what you're saying?How do I actually take time for myself?How do I do those pauses or build something into my routine?And I want to just mention this real quick.

So something I use is the reminders app on my phone and I put in, I have a morning routine and an evening routine.And with that, it will pop up and tell me go listen to your scripture study stuff or say your morning prayers.

And, and it goes from that to make your bed or switch over the laundry load or unload the dishwasher.Things that fill my cup because then I don't have to mentally hold on to that.And there are things that need to be done and it makes me happy knowing that I don't have clothes sitting in my washer for five days and then I have to wash them again like I did today.

So I feel like that would be a good way to implement to maybe take a pause and evaluate is just put a reminder or even an alarm in your phone that you know, generally this time you're chilling.So take a moment to like reflect and have it just remind you so you don't have to remember to do check insurance like your phone can do it for you.

Yes.And that's so good.I think remembering to show up for yourself, like if you're going to do that, like follow through with it and actually do it.I think that in and of itself is self-care is learning to trust that you will do the things that you say you're going to do.

OK, I want to talk about something too.I think this is a really cool concept to remember is I think the way we choose to view what we're going through in our life can either be constructive or destructive.So for example, say that you are training for a marathon and it's exhausting work, it's a lot of work to do.

Your ambition says that you're training for a marathon yourself.Care says I'm running because it clears my mind and it's strengthening my body.So another concept would be like my ambition would be building a business.

The self-care aspect of that is I'm going to design it in a way that allows flexibility and joy and something that I'm really proud of and feel really good about.And I, I love this idea of integrating instead of viewing it as, oh, this is so much work.

And I think the way our mind views and experiences things can alter the experience in general.And so I think when we choose to look at things with a more of a gratitude mindset, with a goal in mind of why we're doing what we're doing and staying grounded in those things that can allow you to not get burnt out so quickly.

I think that you can look at it as ambition.I want to be the best mom that I can be.But the self-care part is I'm doing this because I love my children and I love being a mother.And there's going to be hard moments, but I'm doing this because this is important to me.

And remembering why we're doing something versus the opposite where we're just getting caught up in the negative spiral of things that are hard and hard and hard all the time.So I really, I really love this idea and I think that it can be incorporated into yourself.

Care is and you can journal that.That's something that I started doing towards right after I had Lexi was journaling how I want to feel and how I want to be and focusing on like, what does that look like?

What does that mean?And for some reason that made me feel more excited for my days and I looked forward to them differently when I take the time to think about it from that perspective versus just letting life take me and I'm just along for the ride.

So anyways, I, I want to hear your guys's thoughts on this.If you guys want to leave a comment on our social media, I want to hear your thoughts.Well, I think that is so that's so good.My mom always said what you think about is what you bring about.

And I feel like when you are trying to be positive and you're putting forth energy because here's the thing, whether you're having a negative thought or positive thought, you're using energy towards that.And when, and I'm also a strong believer of karma.

So when you put negative energy out, negative negative energy comes back.And I feel like the opposite is also true.Amen.Amen.Amen.OK, the last thing I want to touch on, on this concept of self-care.

And what does that look like when you're maybe in a hustle season or whatever your life is bringing about right now?Ambition can feel like you're climbing an endless ladder where it's like I got to keep reaching, I got to keep going, I got to keep doing these things.

But something my sweet friend Kirsten taught me is that sometimes you have to reward yourself for the small goals that you are achieving along the way.Oh my gosh, that.In and of itself you said it, that in and of itself is like.

Ultimate self-care is like loving yourself, loving the hard work that you are literally putting out into this world.Showing up for your kids, showing up for your business, working hard.I know that you all are doing the best that you can and sometimes we need to remember and reward ourselves for what we're doing.

And if you continue to do this like endless slave work of like, I have to grind, I have to keep doing this.I have to keep if I stop, who will be there and not take a moment to say, Dang, I freaking did this and I deserve like a little treat, whatever that is.

I could be like, I'm going to go out on a date night.That could be I'm going to go get myself a dessert treat.That could be I'm going to go buy those pants that I've been wanting for a while that I've put off.Whatever it is, let it be semi reasonable.I'm not trying to like support really crazy spendings, that's not what I'm trying to say.

But I think that it's so important to make sure you build in those moments to reward yourself for the things you are doing.Set those goals when you achieve them.That's self-care.That's giving yourself a big old hug and saying you freaking rock.

OK.And I'll just tap in also with the things that I reward myself is like ATV show, like, oh, do the dishes and then after you do the dishes, like sit down and watch the show that you want to watch.Like, and it's not things that I don't already do.Like if I'm going to watch a show, like let's make it fun.

And also Dove dark chocolate is also a go to tree of OK, do all of this work stuff.And then after that you can have like two or three or, you know, however many pieces of chocolates I negotiate with myself.That's what I get.And it does make it more exciting.

And then you also feel really accomplished.And yes, it just, it feels really good and you.Don't have to feel guilty.I think that the reward aspect removes the guilt of I decided to sit down on the couch and and do nothing.And I'm putting that in air quotes because that's not necessarily true.

You maybe sat down on the couch and did nothing, but prior to you sitting on the couch, you went and you started a little laundry.You started on dinner, you changed that diaper.You got your kids dressed.You studied something that maybe you're studying.Maybe you picked up a book that you haven't done in a while.

Like whatever it is, you're probably forgetting what you did.But when you put this like intentionality behind a reward, bribery works.There's a reason why we, like even a little kid heart in US, likes to be rewarded for the things that we're doing.

So might as well reward yourself and give yourself a little love.No, and you absolutely should because motherhood is hard and we need to have those moments where we kind of feel like we get those breaks or we feel like our mundane is not so difficult by rewarding yourself or even just checking in with yourself.

So I'm going to challenge you guys to set an alarm in your phone or a reminder that is reoccurring.And I want you to be doing these check insurance as often as you feel like you need to.It could be every day, it could be twice a week, and it could be once a week, but I want you to do it and I want you to actually check in with yourself and then.

Doing it this works for you.Yes, do it.Pull your phone out.If you're driving right now, don't do it, but maybe tell your phone to remind you later to put reminders.But I want to hear if this works for you guys or not.Because you are not selfish and you should never feel guilty for doing the things that you need to take care of yourself.

And you know your person too, so don't forget about yourself.And oh, I don't know who needs to hear this, but make your dentist appointment do it.I know you've been putting it off.Freaking do it.Take care of yourself.I just put it in my phone.

I just made a reminder that says check in with myself and what do I need right now.I love you guys.Have a freaking amazing week.You are doing the hard things.Give yourself a little love.We'll talk to you next week.Thank you for listening to today's episode.

If you like what you heard, leave a review below.We super appreciate your support.To stay up to date with upcoming podcast episodes and links, follow us on our social media at The Little Mama That Could.